womp womp.
How do stop loving someone? Do not order pecan waffles at Waffle House.
I so badly wish I could paint us as a romance: You making the drive down to surprise me at my party. Us under my covers while the guests entertained themselves. Racing you home from the museum and somehow making it an hour after you. Your laughter over the phone telling me I should’ve followed you and not the GPS because you knew the city better. The taunts continuing as you took me up into your apartment.
But I remember Christmas in Florida and you pulling over to throw up after you ended things. I remember standing behind the baptismal font looking up at a crucified Jesus and his stained glass shadow asking why the good lord gives if he taketh away?
It took less than a week for me to buy your favorite book. 3 years later and it remains untouched on my overcrowded bookshelf.
How do stop loving someone? Do not order pecan waffles at Waffle House.
How do you forget a lover? By keeping the copy of The Glass Castle on the store shelf.
Can one live with ghosts? Maybe. But you have to keep the Polaroids face-down in the junk drawer. Never in the photo album.
author’s note:
I used the word lover in this piece, not because that’s what they were to me, but because that’s what I thought they were. I was twenty and only knew of a love that was conditional and ever changing for the worst, something I had to be on my best behavior to earn and any deviance from their desires warranted chastising without reason.
I’ve been 23 for a little over a month now and I’m still unlearning and relearning. This particular experience has scarred me deeper than others, which is why it won’t be the last time I speak about it. I’ll give them props and note that we did talk about how fucked up it all was.
However, I don’t want to be a writer who only picks up the pen when there’s sad shit to say. So while I try to find the language for the emotions that bring about joyful tears, I hope you stick around and enjoy the walk. <3
And as a treat for reading this far, I’ll tell you that I’m also working on a comic about said positive experiences. It’s very much a draft, but keep your eyes peeled (: