what happens in some months

an unstructured update of sorts

Books from Mickalene Thomas’ exhibition All About Love Exhibition at The Broad, LA 2024.

I just finished my first book in a good amount of time. And by finished, let’s just say that’s what I did. Because if we’re talking in practicalities, I would fail. But we’re not, so I will keep going. (My sin: I skipped On Seatbelts and Sunsets because I wasn’t trying to cry tonight.)

It’s been hard to find the words to say when I’ve barely had time to exist with myself. You could imagine, then, that it’s harder to sit and read some words and likewise convey a few despite how much you have the wanting to. Still, somehow, I finished the book I picked up almost a year ago on a date in a different timezone: They Can’t Kill Us Until They Kill Us by Hanif Abdurraqib. A special thanks to Jai for bringing me out to that bookstore in Echo Park and Katie for chatting on the phone with me as I walked past pretty flowers and up hills from Echo Lake to the said bookstore. Shout out to the bookstore for introducing me to authors I’ve never heard of nor seen before and reuniting me with those I have. My desire to begin a magazine was born that day and I’m counting down the days til I make good on that promise to myself.

Introduced thorough Tumblr, I’ve since been a strong admirer of Abdurraqib’s works and words, both in print and through Instagram. I could tell you why it took me 9 months to get to the last page but that’s not what motivated me to open up Substack and start typing. I’m actually not sure what did aside from the fact I finished the book and didn’t have a group chat to share that fact with.

I guess loneliness was the reasoning. Or maybe the desire to break the ice and return to sharing my words. I find it easy to speak when it’s something temporary like an IG story, but when it comes to editing and posting on YouTube, I’m somehow 7 years in debt with 10 SD cards waiting for me.

I’m trying to take myself less seriously. I’m trying to see myself from different viewpoints. I’m trying to know myself and read more because I have a shelf full of moments I was excited at one point to dive into.

Finally got my hands on this month’s Noname Book club pick: Blessings by Chukwuebuka Ibeh

My next book is Blessings by Chukwuebuka Ibeh, a fellow Nigerian (I’m assuming Igbo based on his first name) WHO I JUST DISCOVERED IS ONE YEAR MY SENIOR!!!!!! Purchased whilst out in Chicago, I’m taking the fact the small bookshop on the second story of the Fine Arts Center only had one copy remaining as a sign. All I know is that this book is gay and Nigerian. I am gay and Nigerian. I’m afraid of books that are so direct and in conversation with my personhood, but it is what I’ve been craving the most as of late.

After reading, here are two pieces of media I will return to engage with:

https://brittlepaper.com/2024/03/the-blessings-of-queer-lives-in-conversation-with-chukwuebuka-ibeh-darlington-chibueze-anuonye/

(for some reason, the second only pasted as a video instead of a link).

I hope you are keeping yourself well. I am trying to. Trying to pull myself forward without leaving my body behind.

xx

-o.a.